Ohai there! It's been quite sometime since I last had an entry here. It's kind of hard juggling different blog accounts. And most of my reserved thoughts lately are not really for public knowledge so I have been visiting my other secret blog for a quick catharsis. And oh by the way, I put up another account. This time I made sure it has a theme so I wouldn't have a hard time deciding on to which account should I post and I promise to religiously go by it. My fashion-loving and wanderlust self had just been brought to life once more, hurray!
To keep you posted a bit, nothing much interesting is going on with me right now. I have been struggling lately as to how am I going to get by with life now that I have graduated. I am officially a member of the unemployed people of our country hence the on and off pseudo depression I have been battling with for over sometime now. I mean, I feel like I am lost in this fast paced world and I just don't know how to get along. I have been searching for jobs of course, some of which had I pursued then I'll be enjoying my own earnings by now, but I declined. Why? Because I don't think it was good enough for me. Choosy, eh? Well, yes. And I believe I have the prerogative to be. I don't wanna settle on something that I might just regret in the future. There's no harm in being choosy and being patient enough to wait for the right one for you, right? So yeah. Now I am just enjoying my bum time at home during weekdays and made it a point to go out and visit interesting places come weekends so I won't be dead bored, you know.
It is even confusing hearing my mom says she doesn't really want me to start working soon. I honestly didn't know what to feel when she said that but when I asked why, I think my heart just sank. Mommy said she doesn't actually want me to work anytime soon because all she ever want is for us to always be together. You know, random shopping at anytime of any day, unplanned trips to wherever and the likes. Only then that I realized that my mother doesn't want me to really grow up and be away from her grasp. She wanted me to stay as the the little girl she always had. I remember having a really bad argument with her the night before my prom. I was shouting and crying, asking her for a bit of independence. And then I heard her say, "ayoko lang magdalaga ka agad. Gusto ko lang baby pa rin kita." Cheesy? Oh well, she's a mother of two boys and an only girl so you can't blame her. Even up to now, she still has the same desire for me, for us. My mom is sweet, isn't she? So hearing that from her made me cringe. I appreciate her more but of course that can't be the picture all the time. I have to grow up, make decisions of my own and have a life.
Maybe that's one reason why I am taking my time and not rushing into things. I am never pressured nor deprived of the things I want, even for some luxuries in life. Yes, I am excited to start a new phase of my life, start earning and buy whatever I want, but at the right time and with the right opportunity. I have been rushing all these time and it did me no good. So now I am taking a break, slowing things down and sorting what I really want to do with my life. It'll come, I know. I trust and I believe.
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